Sydneysiders have got a great answer for two of the compelling questions of the day:Surf or City?
Coffee or Beer?
Answer: BOTH!
A quick check of Citysearch Sydney shows that there are, oh, over 17 million cafes and pubs in central Sydney alone. Truly, there are a handful of cafes and pubs on most city blocks. Car washes and hair salons have outdoor cafes, the post office serves beer, and even funeral homes have a pub license. Also, most restaurants are BYO friendly, so if the in-house selection of 174 micro-brews or 435 boutique wines are not enough, please bring your own.
To make it all the more complete, cafes have pubs, pubs have cafes and -- to my surprise -- they even just installed an espresso bar in my bathroom.
Basically you can go through a whole day just caffeinating and boozing yourself, up and down, up and down, with (quite regular) bathroom breaks.
Which is exactly what I intend to do, literally.
Tonight I plan to visit as many cafes and pubs in Sydney as I can physically accommodate, with Zig as my documentarian...and nurse if need be. We'll start in Surry Hills at the nearest cafe, then go to the next nearest pub, then cafe, and so on. Speedball, anyone?
I'll turn this natty narrative over to Zig as I'm going to have my hands full.
7:10 pm
Starting at Strawberry X, a fancy and rather large cafe on Mary Street. There are exactly 6 cafes this one block alone. Cliphy orders a flat white, the Aussie version of a latte. He downs it with gusto, anxious for the pub next door. Flat white is probably the most popular coffee drink, and is usually about 3-4 Aussie dollars.
7:30
Hollywood Hotel. The term 'Hotel' in Sydney refers to these huge, multi-faceted pub establishments which are everywhere. They have a bar, full kitchen, pokies (gambling machines), TAB (like off-track betting), function rooms, karoake, performance spaces, and some even do rent out rooms. They often have more than 2-3 floors and are a central point for Sydneysiders to gather, day and night.
The Hollywood Hotel is especially interesting, as it refers to the history of this area as the former "Australian Hollywood." There are several lovely Art Deco buildings on this block, including the Hotel.Cliphy orders up a Hahn Super Dry, to symbolically commemorate the launch of this "pathetic experiment". After a couple of Hahns, he claims to like the name, not the taste, and we're off again.
7:55
Cafe-ish. Yes, that's what it's called. I talk Cliphy out of ordering an espresso and he opts for a "long black" which is black espresso and...something else. Australians HATE drip coffee and you will not find it Down Under, everything is espresso-based. Oddly, at the supermarkets, 99% of the coffee is instant.
No aftereffects are noted in the subject as he casually drinks the caffeinated beverage, and we pay the uptight hostess and head to the pub down the block.
8:20
St. Andrew's Hotel and Beer Garden. Oddly, there is no beer garden, unless you count the 3 chairs sitting out on the sidewalk where the smokers sit. Indoor smoking at pubs was outlawed some time ago, so everyone takes their smokes and beers out onto the sidewalk, where they can freely clog foot traffic while blowing smoke in your face and perhaps spilling a beer onto your Prada handbag.
Nonetheless, we join the regulars outside with a schooner (half-pint, as it were) of Carlton draught and Cliphy comments on the improved taste of the chosen beverage. It is so enjoyable, in fact, that he intends to order another, of which I fail to dissuade him.
9:15Another cafe, and they are all starting to look alike. This one (Cafe Zoe) is cute enough and they offer iced coffee, which I sample. The iced coffee in Sydney is nothing like those in New York. It has ice cream in it, for one thing. And whipped cream! Blech!
Cliphy complains of a headache starting and, undeterred, orders a "bon bon" which is espresso and condensed milk. I'm SURE that will help the headache!
9:55
I don't know about The Subject, but I'm getting hungry. We order some pub grub at The Clock Hotel and he adds a Victoria Bitter to the tab. Victoria Bitter (VB) is one of the older Australian
beers and according to wikipedia "VB has acquired a number of nicknames, ranging from 'Vic Bitter', polite 'Very Best', 'Vitamin B' and 'Victory Beer', for after a win in the footy. People who dislike the beer may refer to it as 'Vomit Beer', 'Vaginal Backwash', or 'Visitors Beer'.We'll go with "Visitor's Beer" as Cliphy is nonplussed. He only drinks half the schooner and switches to a micro-brew, "Beez Kneez."
10:46
One more caffeinated beverage for the boy here at Cafe Mint. As is his wont, he pushes the limit and orders a double espresso. I don't ask about the headache. Me? A nice glass of H2o please. I detect weariness. I hope we can go home soon.
11:15
Subject now complains of a splitting headache and his "stomach feels like vaginal backwash, but not the human kind." Not sure what that means but it can't be pleasant. One more for the road and I'm not sure if it's admirable or sad. Probably both.
Midnight and even though the Sydney nightlife is just getting started, we're heading home, up the steep hill to our apartment. Cliphy isn't drunk, he's not especially buzzed. Results of the experiment: inconclusive, and boneheaded.
Husband says "this was a stupid idea, why didn't you talk me out of it?" This is one of the phrases married couples should just record and play over to each other whenever appropriate. Meaning, often.
